also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
