P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
