i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
