the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
