The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
