my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
