I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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