Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
