bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
