You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
