i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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