I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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