im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
