Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
