My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
