its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
