just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
