How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
