It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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