I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
