He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
