haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
