my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
