It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
