Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
