He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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