I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
