it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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