I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
