Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
