Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
