My nipple is on Facebook.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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