The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
