were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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