At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
