I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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