Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
