Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
