Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
