I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
that is very illegal...i love you.
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