i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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