Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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