My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
