is your mom at the bar?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
