suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We need to get me chipped asap
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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