I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
