Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
