Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
