sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
