Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
